Thursday, June 9, 2011
You can follow the progress of visits, current health, etc on my blog with my hysterectomy tag but this is just a summary of the situation. The full details can also be found here: http://giveneyestosee.com/blog/hysterect
Memorial Day Weekend I went into the ER after two days of non-stop severe pain. Many tests and an overnight stay later, it turns out that my uterus is full of tumors.I have multiple softball and multiple baseball sized fibroid tumors and equally large cysts. The total mass is approximately the size of a basketball.
I was on a fast-track for a hysterectomy when my OB/GYN discovered that it was worse then initially believed and I'm too high risk for surgery. High risk is 250 grams of tumors. I'm at over 1,200 grams. I am now on a shot to induce medical menopause in order to attempt to shrink the tumors prior to surgery. The larger the tumors, the more complicated and lengthy the surgery, the more time I will be under anesthesia, the more complications and blood transfusions I will need. So we're trying to get them shrunk at least half.
I work a part-time job that does NOT give me insurance. I also do NOT get paid for any time off period. So I’m already out two weeks of pay with many more to come. (When I do have surgery, I'll be out 4 weeks in unpaid recovery as well.) I have already applied for and been denied financial and medical assistance by the state. I’m asking anyone who can help for your support as a result.
I need a total of $2,600 just to pay my OB/GYN, $1,400 of which must be up front before the surgery. This does NOT include the hospital, anesthesiologist, radiology, etc. It also does NOT include the fees for the office visits and tests pre-op. (I’ve already spend $463 on those as of June 7th)
I have set up a Donation Fund here: http://tiny.cc/hysterectomy
I am also trying to promote my own store front as replacement income during this period: http://PhoenixFireDesigns.etsy.com/
My friends are also helping me set up a second shop full of donated items. You can find that here: http://PhoenixFunds.etsy.com/
If you could look around and see if there's something you'd like to buy, pass on my links, donate a hand crafted item, craft supplies or a vintage item for the fundraiser shop or make a donation - any of it would be helpful and appreciated. The more people pass on my information, links and story, the more I can hopefully raise the funds I need.
Thank you for your support!
Monday, July 7, 2008
It occurs to me as I sit here beaming (and in tears of joy) over something my girl just said, it isn't always easy to live with this, but I wouldn't trade it. Sure, the intensity isn't easy to cope with a lot of the time, and a small, seemingly insignificant happening can change the outcome of your day but I love that I can feel joy so deeply and have it effect me right to my core.
The pain and anguish might be worse for us, but the pure joy, that there's just no words to describe, for me, makes it all worth it.
Today is a good day.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
I have an experience with traveling and was wondering if other HSPs do, too. I really don't like traveling. For me, it makes me really tired and exhausted and I usually end up sick by the time that I get home (I'd say traveling means going anywhere over 2 hours away from home). Do other HSPs have similar reactions to traveling? For the HSPs who enjoy traveling, how do you prevent yourself from being overwhelmed by travel?
Monday, November 19, 2007
I think people are so mean nowadays. I really believe that. I don't want that to be true, and I don't think everyone is mean, I just think the level of meanness that is considered allowable is a lot greater than it used to be. I realize I'm speaking in generalities, but this is kind of a hard subject for me to articulate on. I just saw this list of Oprah's Top Blunders of the Year, and I thought it was ridiculous. I'm not a big Oprah fan or anything, but who are they to list her blunders. One of them was her thyroid condition!! I could not believe they wrote that. Another one was that her dog choked to death and she still hasn't gotten over it. Whoever wrote this is just sick. This was on the front page of aol.com on the front page of *their* entertainment news.
Then, today I hear the story of that little girl who killed herself over the mom pretending to be some young boy who had a crush on her. There are no words for that. There was a lady on tv talking about how we have a "vulture culture." I've never heard it put that way, but I think that's the truth. It's survival of the fittest in this country. I don't know if it's like that in other countries because I've never lived in another country. But, I don't think things were this bad in the 80s and 90s. I think it escalated once the net took off.
After watching almost 1 hour of tv, I felt pretty bummed. There are all these stupid commercials about how you need to get rid of wrinkles and lose weight followed by commercials for 1,000 calorie pasta. It is so messed up. I hear so many freakin commercials for anti-wrinkle stuff, it makes me nervous, and I shouldn't even be needing to think about that right now.
I really, really need to find a way to keep myself from being exposed to that b.s. It honestly feels like all these stuff is pathological. I take that back, it is pathological. It's so twisted and destructive. Unfortunately, it feels like I'm addicted to watching tv at least part of the time. If nothing else, I need to commit to always muting/ignoring commercials.
I also hate having to look at the aol screen when I check my email. But I really need to keep my old email address. But they always have ridiculous and hurtful news about some celebrity or just something that is generally depressing and effed up.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
7:57PM - At work today...
I had this really annoying girl at work tell me in this really annoying way that I study too much and go on and on saying I don't even see how you can do that, as if she thought something was wrong with me for doing what I do. I just kind of laughed and didn't respond. She really irritated me and from that point on I just decided I wouldn't talk to her at all unless she asked me something. I think this is for the best. I heard her bragging to this other girl about how adept she is at stealing various things just because she "wants" them, how she manipulates guys at this bar she works at so she can get more money from them, and from then on, I knew I would not be her friend. After today, I won't even concern myself about seeming friendly. It's really weird too because right before she went off about that I had this thought like, I'm surprised she hasn't said anything about what I'm working on, she must not think it's weird. Then, she says that. She always has something to say. She never stops talking. I totally cannot relate to that. The whole situation is kind of freeing though because now I don't have to worry about what she thinks of me. I study as much as I feel like I need to study. It might seem like a lot to someone else, but I study at work, so that I can enjoy my free time when I am at home. I do what works for me. We can't all be math/engineering geniuses. Some of us actually have to take essay tests! lol
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
“The other day, I went to meet a friend in town, and was about two minutes away when I realised I’d left my mobile phone at home. I travelled the five miles back to collect it. I felt so completely lost without it, I panicked. I need to have it on me at all times. I sound really sad, but everyone I know is the same. Everyone talks to each other through the internet or with mobiles. Technology is an essential part of my everyday social and academic life. I don’t know where I’d be without it. In fact, I’ve never really been without it.” -- 'The Next Step in Brain Evolution', Times Online
Judging from what I see and hear, this kind of thing is not all that uncommon -- nad it is mecoming more so. And the whole concept unnerves me. Can't people just be alone? Not lonely (in spite of popular opinion, 'alone' and 'lonely' are not synonyms), but alone as in 'solitary', 'nobody else around' or 'by myself'. I'm not advocating a move to a deserted desert island or anything extreme, but how about just being able to drive to work without a cell phone? Watch a movie without a BlackBerry? What is this drive to be constantly in contact with others, and what does it say about modern society?
Moreover, what impact does it have on the already wild misperceptions of introverts. Extroverts (who are the majority of the population) already see introverts as Socially incompetent as well as unfriendly and antisocial or worse, pathological. And though introverts are not (neccessarily) any of those things, discrimination against introverts is a widespread, though little recognized, phenomenon. (Or you can flip the concept on it's head and say that extroversion is widely over-valued.). If constant interaction is coming to be seen as the norm, will people start to see the drive to spend time with askance (even more than they already do)? Or will it engender a backlash like the slow foods movement and lead to greater acceptance?
Monday, July 10, 2006
The Cult of Overwork
CNN asked 12 well-known leaders including Carlos Ghosn of Nissan, Marissa Mayer of Google and Wynton Marsalis how they manage their time and stay efficient.
My favorite answer is this one:
I know that it’s de rigeur for executives to start the day extremely early, but frankly I feel I make better decisions and relate better to people when I’m well rested. So I usually get up around 8 after a good night’s sleep.
I also make sure to work a standard 40-hour week and never work in the weekends. This is important to me for two reasons. First of all, I have a life outside of work. I have a family who likes to have me around and friends and hobbies that I also want to have time for. I find that the time I spend outside of work recharges my batteries, expands my horizons and actually makes me more efficient at work.
Secondly, if I’m always seen arriving at the office at 6 in the morning and leaving at 9 in the evening, not to mention taking calls and writing emails late at night and all weekend, it’s sure to send a signal to my employees that this is what the company expects, that this is “the right way”. But it isn’t.
It’s a simple fact that for most leaders and employees, the first 40 hours they work each week are worth much more to the company than the next 20, 30 or 40 hours. But those extra hours spent at work can harm your private life, your family and your health. Which in turn becomes damaging to the company.
Frankly, if you can’t structure your time so your work fits inside a 40-hour week, you need to get better at prioritizing and delegating.
Refreshing words. Guess which of the executives said that?
Come on, take a guess!
see also: The Cult of Overwork, again
The lazy way to success
Don't fight stress: promote peace!
Take Back Your Time Day
Take Back Your Time: Fighting Overwork and Time Poverty in America
I don't know about you guys, but I get way overstimulated and worn out when I try to do too much all at once -- and that includes long work days. I'm not opposed to staying late to finish a project, or when the workload demands it (quite the contrary, actually), but buying into a 'culture of overwork' seems like hitting myself in the head with a hammer -- painful and pointless. Longer work hours just don't necessarily mean more or better work. And from my point of view as an HSP, this cult of overwork seems especially toxic. Of course, tell that to my bosses!
What do you guys think?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
10:56PM - Don't fall into the trap!
"Society wants you to be extroverted so you'll buy more things."
Saturday, February 18, 2006
12:28PM - Book Opinions?
Has anyone read a book called The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World? I am just beginning it, and I am wondering what people think of it.
Friday, September 30, 2005
2:48AM - GLIMPSES WITHIN
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
3:34AM - THE STILL AUTUMN AIR
Monday, September 26, 2005
Does this freak anyone else out?
I keep on having this issue come up lately so it looks like the universe is trying to ram some sort of point home to me.
Like say at social events, where there are lots of different people that you know there, after being there for say an hour or so, does it start to make you feel really crappy?
Like if I see someone I know for the first time at a paticular event, inside in my brain it gets all excited "look theres so and so, someone I know", and then when I go and talk to the person I find I really dont care about talking and I loose interest in what Im saying and I start worrying that the person doesnt want to speak to me, and that Im boring the person. (I also think maybe it happens because of my own fear that people dont want to speak to me or dont really like me, so as a defense mechanism, I loose interest in speaking to a person to stop myself from feeling hurt?)
And then when you see people you know in different places broken up in to little groups, and it just makes you feel really lonely. Like your there but not a part of it really, and you dont feel comfortable about just going up and joining people, if you've already said hello to them because you think then they may of had enough of you?
Do any of these things plauge anyone else?
I look around sometimes and everyone seems so happy and comfortable, like they are fine and have no issues at these sorts of things, and then I just feel even more defective and more left out, and nce I get in that sort of funk, I cant get myself out of it for ages after.
I also seem to be extremely affected about whether other people around me are having their wants and needs met by others and if they are wanting to spend time with someone but are talking to someone else, ect.
I also feel like I can never go to humans for comfort, because theres just more of the "human crap" to deal with, so I go to trees, or the divine, angels, spirit guides, song or food.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
We've been busy this week trying to help those who evacuateed to our community. We've cooked and prayed, volunteered. Sorted clothes, and given out hugs. Given clothes, money, loaned what we tools we had available like gas cans..None to be found in our whole town.Cried alot and slept little. Prayed more than anything, and tried to become friends with those affected. I've personally connected with a family from Slidell who lost everything but their 3 cats and their vehicles. They are precious people. I want to do more to help them, I've made a commitment to be their guardian angel while they are in my neighborhood. I want to do more.. WILL YOU HELP ME? I 've come up with a plan. This Friday I'll be having my first art sale directly from my website www.neworleans-paintings.com
I will donate 25% of all the profits to Katrina Relief effort. I'll also have a painting(s) or prints that I'll donate 100% of the proceeds directly to the effort. I'll be using this group to donate through
They are doing an incredible job of helping the community and were some of the first on the scene. You can learn more about the effort here: http://www.dinorizzo.com/ Dino is a very good friend and his church is doing an incredible job reaching those who are hurting. I trust PRC with every penny, knowing it will go directly to those affected by the storm and not into overhead/administrative costs but to direct relief.
I'll be listing new art Friday for the art sale. If you want to be notified, please join email me so I can send you an invitation. I've got alot to do, and will be busy painting as I believe this will be a great way to help with the efforts. It will be taxing emotionally for me as I feel a loss and sadness but I believe it will also be very theraputic to me.
I'd also like to say a personal thank you to all my friends and collectors, you have been wonderful. I've recieved so many emails of support and concern. It restores my hope in humanity to see how many people truly care and are so giving. Thank you, I know you'll do all you can to help the effort. Hug someone you love, but even better find someone who is hurting and be their friend. Don't forget to sign up for the sale.
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Friday, September 2, 2005
go here http://www.livejournal.com/users/shivac
and see this and comment please
there is this man in the lj community that will give a $1 for the Red Cross for each comment you post
here is what he says in his journal:
"Now is your time to shine
Dear LiveJournal friends,
In an effort to show the Katrina victims that we care, I have a simple favor to ask of each of you.
Please leave a comment to this post.
You can write whatever you wish in your comment, but please comment once and only once. After you have left your comment, please direct everyone else on your friend's list to this post so they can do the same.
For each comment I receive I will donate $1 to the Red Cross.
I have no idea how long I will let this process go on. It will depend on how many comments I receive and how quickly they come in. I will leave that magic up to you.
Thanks to all of you. -Ryan"
thank you Nancy
Thursday, September 1, 2005
Well, it has been the most heartbreaking week in Louisianan history. Not to mention the whole Gulf States region. The tragedy that has been uncontainable, and it is much worse than what the media is reporting. Our community is North Louisiana is totally flooded with evacuee's that have fled here for shelter. We have run out of room to house most people, and we as a community are trying to do the best we can to help. It's going to take so much to be able to help these families rebuild their lives. I am so heartbroken as I meet people at Walmart, on the street, in restaurants. Yesterday my girls and I fed the people in the hotel less than a mile from our house.It's a small country hotel right off the interstate, with only 27 rooms. They are completely packed with over 110 people. I've been driving by on my way home, and it is my reality check. Seeing the families just sitting there like refugees with no place to go, nothing to do is gut wrenching. I just couldn't watch it anymore so we got up and went to Walmart and prepared lunch for all of them. Nothing spectacular, just grilled hotdogs, baked beans, chips, sweet tea and cookies. People were so grateful, it broke my heart. They were so appreciative and it was humbling to me. I wanted to be able to do more. I need to do more. We can't just let this happen and sit by and do nothing. Please find a way to help those affected by the storm. Evacuee's are probably in your town, and need help. Buy them a meal, offer clothing, pick up their tab in a restaurant. Take them into your home, house people.Pay for their gas, just ask the people then offer to help. Red Cross needs funds, and donate to charitable organizations, but start now helping those closest to you. Organizations like Operation Blessing and Convoy of Hope are able to get in and offer relief faster in most cases, without so much red tape.Please do all you can, we need your help. Above all love your family, friends and neighbors everyday.
As soon as I am emotionally stable enough to paint I will be listing paintings for hurricane relief. I'll be donating a percentage of each one to hurrican relief. I'll list this paintings here so you can know and help in this way if you choose to do so.
oh, and it's my birthday today. I am 36! So if you want to give me a present, please donate for hurrican relief here:
This is one of the most trusted churches known for their community service in the South Louisiana area. The money will be used correctly going directly to the most needy victims.
Thanks so much!! Hug your loved ones today
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Hi! I'm new here and I consider myself very highly sensitive. I am sensitive about everything, which can be both good and bad. Lately I've been overly sensitive about things that I am not really sure pertain to me. For example, today at work two guys were standing in line and started laughing about something. I automatically assumed they were laughing at me and I felt horrible for the rest of the day. Then I spent the whole night trying to figure out why they would be laughing at me. Does this happen to anybody else? If someone is whispering or laughing... you assume it is about you? I can't help it.
Thursday, August 4, 2005
When I get really excited/happy/UP -- like when something I've been eagerly waiting for for months finally arrives, or when something REALLY good happens -- I find that if I'm UP for too long, I start to feel nauseated. The good feeling turns into a sick feeling, and I start to crash. Does that happen to anyone else? I'm just wondering if it's an HSP thing, a reaction to too strong an emotion.
Usually I focus on the bad parts of being highly sensitive -- it certainly caused plenty of problems in my first relationship, because my boyfriend was constantly touching me, and it drove me out of my head. I'd end up squished into a corner of the couch, my fingers digging into his to keep them from rubbing against my knee. And we'd be around people, so I couldn't tell him to lay off without causing a scene. Ugh. But that's over, and not the point of this! Like I said, I usually focus on the bad things, like that. Over sensitivity. But I've been realizing that I have certain tendencies towards the other end of the spectrum, too.
Sensation-seeking. I'm far more tactile than I ever thought -- not towards people, no no no, but towards objects. Textures. I walk down a hallway with my fingers trailing along the wall, seeking out cracks and bumps. Textured paint is a fantastic thing. Talk about waking up the nerve endings in your fingers. *shivers* Raised text on a label or book? I run my fingers over it as if it were braile. When I'm looking in a bag for something, I tend to stick my hand and feel around before I peer in. The first thing I notice about a food is the texture. That's usually the deciding factor in whether or not I like a food, actually -- not the taste or the smell (those are without a doubt my weakest senses).
I'm sure we all have different senses we're stronger in. I'm betting we all have our sensory "turn ons" -- the things that just make us go, "Ooo." I'm wondering what other people's are!
The great thing about being an HSP is that we feel (see, hear, etc) these things stronger than other people! So while being sensitive can cause problems, it really is a blessing in some regards.
This note brought to you by the letters "H" "S" and "P." Have a lovely day! :D
Sunday, July 31, 2005
10:41AM - WINDOWS
From my window,I can see you lost in each other's gazes
In the midst of the hazes brought on by passion's blazes
From your window,can you see me before a shattered mirror
Cause the image which appeared bore a figure that was clearer
From my window,I can see you living out your story
Basking in the glory of never needing to be sorry
From your window,can you see me lost in a sea of doubt
Wondering what life's about in a world now without
Myself in the window no longer bears reflection
While the lines of your shadow point in each direction
Yet I can't turn aside,ever hopeful for a glance
Of the stemming of the tide of romance
From my window,I can see you in the arms of another
Secure in the love for this moment you've discovered
From your window,can you see me with head bent and kneeling
In search of a healing from this overwhelming feeling
From my window,I can see you dancing in the moonlight
Silohuetted in the twilight and everything is all right
From your window,can you see me as my spirit's slowly dulling
With teardrops steadily falling and each one calling
Out your name?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
5:06AM - FOREVER
Forever exists until memories fade
And the shades are drawn and even then
When just a solitary thought
In time is caught,it begins again
Forever is neither here nor there,
It's everywhere and nowhere at all
Yet,somewhere we fall in the middle
And,little by little,we begin to dull
Till we all become part of forever
Never changing,but seldom the same
Name or circumstance doesn't divide us
For they're inside us to feed the flame
There is no beginning,there is no end
Only chance to mend what's fallen before
As through the door we quickly pass
Into the looking glass of nevermore
Forever exists in a dream selected
From those reflected in sightless eyes
And nothing dies for we're all as one
Just as we've begun until spirits rise
Monday, July 25, 2005
Do any of you have problems with strangers touching you? People often tap me on the shoulder to get my attention, usually on the bus. I haven't been able to think of any way to avoid it, short of wearing a big sign that says "DON"T TOUCH ME!" It occured to me today, that some of these people might have tried to get my attention by talking to me before tapping, and I didn't hear them, because I usually wear ear plugs when in public. I do not know what to do. Do any of you have ideas?
X-posted to autism, aspergers, and my own journal.
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